Diary of a Sinner|
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|Saturday, July 29th, 2006|
|Lord, Give me a sign...
The past few days have been eye opening for me. I feel the evolution inside of me taking full effect and it has never felt so good. For the first time in my life I really feel like Victoria Lord Theresa O'Neill. Yes, that's my true government, baptized, Catholic name and I am proud because all of that is me. I am me. All the little pieces are falling into place and all the insecurities that I had during high school, they now made sense. My relationships with loved ones are growing stronger and I have no qualms about who they are and who I am. My mind has been fully opened to the potential before me and the potential before them. I feel blessed because of who I am and because of the people current;y leaving footprints on my heart. Thank you God because right now, I know I'ma be alright. Current Mood: grateful
|Sunday, July 9th, 2006|
I have no idea why people find is nessacary to put my name in their mouthes. In what bizarre world do you think it's fine to play whisper down the lane with my personal business? I don't care what you saw, what you thought you saw, who you thought I was with...none of that matters. Now, people who I have feelings for may have gotten the wrong idea about me and my intention towards them. And all this because bitches ain't got nothing better to talk about. Get a fucking like and stay outta mine. And trust, I'm writing this in here now but when I caught you face to face, it's on! Current Mood: angry
|Friday, June 2nd, 2006|
|I'll Keep You My Dirty Little Secret...
So I started my new job on Wednesday and while it's no awe-inspiring-amazingly-unique-this-coul
d-be-my-new-calling-in-life type job, it does pay the bills and come with a nice little discount. Anyway other than that, I'm feeling calm concerning life and my position in it. While I couldn't have said that earlier this week due to frenzied emotions concerning certain unmentionable individuals, namely men who live to confuse the hell out of me, I'm over that now and can truly say that I'm calm. I don't know where this calm came from, why it came at this time, or whether or not it will stay. All I know is that shit happens. Life is a jungle gym, a series of curve balls, a headache mostly but I believe I've maintained myself quite well. Friends? Good. Job? Check. Future? Coming into focus.
***I'm making peace with loving you, peace with being me, any pieces of us I claim them all today*** Current Mood: calm
|Wednesday, May 24th, 2006|
|I Got a Man that I think I'm Gon Love Foreva....
...well almost anyway. I'm in love with someone right now and he stays on my mind like all the time and I don't think it's healthy that everything reminds me of him. But anyway, I'm officially employed and now that I used my discount it's for real official. I Baby Phat tube top for $11?!? Hallelujah!
I can't believe I've only been on summer break for three weeks. I've basically spent almost every night hangin with my peoples (aka Selina, Candice, Tristan, Jesse, Donte, S.P., Jamar). I've also managed to free some time for my other peoples (aka Pat, Alex, Sarah, Dawn etc). I still got a few more that I need to see but don't worry, that's on my to-do list.
Life seems to be goin pretty good right now. So what if I hit a snag every now and then, I always manage to recover and that's what counts. I'm on my way to bein somebody and now that I've allowed myself to be freed of "labels" I really am growin into the woman I should be. That's doesn't mean I'm changin cuz I still got the same friends, same believes, same background, and same violent ass attitude, but it does mean that I'm evolving. I'm a big believer in fate and with this new frame of mind and new attitude, I'm sure fate will guide me to where I need to be. No worries right? Life's a roller coaster ride, if you're afraid of highs or get sick easily, skip your ass to the back of the line cuz I'm eager to get on this ride. Trust me when I say that I'm goin good. Current Mood: mellow
|Tuesday, May 2nd, 2006|
|Closing Another Chapter...
Since I'm moving back home in exactly a week, I decided that the best course of action would be to begin packing early. So, today as I'm packing up my life into overstuffed suitcases I began to reminisce about my experiences over the past year. Less than a year ago I graduated high school and was standing on a cliff completely unaware of what awaited me. Now I know. I've gained friends, lost friends, had so many "firsts" that my mind is overloading trying to contain all the memories, I've fallen in love, fallen out of love, and grown more that I thought was possible considering that I thought I was already done all of my growing. My life goals have morphed slightly and strengthened. I'm happy. Life isn't perfect by any means but I'm definatley aware of the things around me that matter and I've stopped worrying over petty things. My future is what matters, my family is what matters. Fear is still a factor is some of my choices but that's natural but I'm pretty sure that with my determination and a little help God, I'ma make it through.
Now onto immediate things: I am gonna miss a lot about being at Temple. Although I'll be back in 4 months, it's still a change. I'm gonna miss having an escape from my crazy family, I'ma miss my peoples, I'ma miss having stupid conversations with Ashlee while watching Prison Break and Supernatural, I'ma miss Anthony and his crazy Puerto Rican ass, I'ma miss being able to jump on a bus or subway and being anywhere in the city in a matter of minutes. I'm not gonna miss the cat calls from passing cars and strangers, being asked for change from every crackhead in the North Philly area, definatly not gonna miss class and the annoying administraion that is Temple, not gonna miss my suitemates who think they're 'down' and end up just sounding ignorant. BUT...I also get to go home and sleep in, in my own bed, with my trusty TV present, I'ma be able to see the whole crew again, I get to see my nephews and my beautiful niece and maybe get to babysit, I'ma get to go the beach with my peoples and get umm, happy lol, oh, and Six Flags, gotta love Six Flags. Home may not be as fast paced or have as many opportunities for fun as Philly but I'm optamistic and with my friends, anything can happen.
In conclusion, it was a really good year but I'm glad to be going home. Fuck finals, my mind is ready for a vacation! Current Mood: excited
|Friday, April 14th, 2006|
|I'm on my way home.....
In about two hours I should be home and I'm so happy. I haven't been home in like 3 weeks and I can't wait to see my peoples tonite. Hopefully, we're gonna wild out and go crazy cuz I could use that. I've missed them. And tomorrow there's supposedly a party and I'm super hyped for that. But why's it seem like times moving in reverse right now? I wanna be out!! Damn you time! Current Mood: anxious
|Sunday, April 9th, 2006|
You know it truthfully ain't fair. He was so young and had a child on the way and now...it just ain't fair.
*Too many funerals and too many tears, just seen another brother buried plus I knew him for years* Current Mood: shocked
|Sunday, April 2nd, 2006|
This entire week had me stressin out beyond belief. I had too much shit to deal with and by the time the weekend rolled around I was emotionally drained. Luckily, the weekend was able to breathe life back into me. Friday night was good. I made up wit my Dad basically, I got to spend time with some of my peoples and got to just relax. Now, yesterday was when the craziness ensued. The best part however is the only part I'm goin to talk about. Last night me, Ashlee, Kristine, Ninah and Erin went to a house party in Center City. Well, let's just say it was a well needed distraction. We had so much fun and we spent the entire time messin wit the rest of the party goers. There's really not much more to say because it's not like I'm bout to recount the entire night but it involved crackin on people, doin pole dancin on a bus, gettin fried chicken at 2am and not gettin to sleep until 5am. Damn, I needed that. Now it's back to school, schoolwork, and massive amounts of stress. Ah, well, I can handle it. Current Mood: groggy
|Friday, March 17th, 2006|
|Feelin So Free...
The title says it all. I'm feelin lifted and gifted. Last week and this past week were both exactly what I needed to finally understand what's important to me.
On Wednesday I went to see "Madea Goes to Jail" and Tyler Perry aka Madea, went completely off script (while stayin in character of course) and started talkin about how your relationships are like a tree. Some people are leaves who drift back and forth, change color and fall away from you when times get cold. They're they ones who you can let go and not be affected. Others are branches, the branches need time to grow into their full potential but once they do, they help to make you whole. But you gotta be careful cuz some branches can crack if you put too much weight on them. And then of course there's the roots. The roots hold you up no matter what and don't ask for recognition, they stay hidden under the ground and do their duty without question. Think on that. I know who my roots are and who my branches are and who my leaves are. And I couldn't be happier. My friends are amazing. We are a huge, confusing, crazy, family. I Love them.
Also, Mr. Perry is a very religious man and after hearing his play, I regained the strength of religion that I hadn't even realized I'd lost. I know where I want to be in life and how to get there. And sometimes, you just gotta leave major life altering decisions up to Him. On top of all that, the play was funny as hell! I do recommend.
Okay, I'm done preaching. Life is good right now. And tonight and tomorrow I get to spend time with my peoples and wild out. And this summer, we're gonna go crazy too. I can't wait. Peace... Current Mood: excited
|Sunday, March 5th, 2006|
I really wanna know if it's possible for a party in Trenton to NOT be shut down by the cops. Ah well, it was still fun. The minute I walked in, I fell in love about 8 times, I was like a kid in a candystore. Them boys looked goooood, lol. We were wildin out til about 2, I think, then we all had to scatter but not before the dude I was talkin to all night got my number. He was, mmm, that's all I got to say about him, and what a surprise, his name started with J. I think it's a trend.
Also before the party, we saw 16 Blocks. It was cute. I know that's not somethin you should say about what's supposed to be a thriller but it was. I love Mos Def lol...all in all, last night was fun. Current Mood: hungry
|Tuesday, February 7th, 2006|
|Just like me.....
You Are a Visionary Soul
You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness.
Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connected to your soul.
You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable.
Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings.
You have great vision and can be very insightful.
In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself.
Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend.
You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer.
Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul
Tryin' to delay doin' homework and not think about the one serious issue I have in my life right now. Current Mood: gloomy
|Friday, February 3rd, 2006|
|THIS NEEDS TO BE SAID!!!
I really truthfully love my peoples. No particular event brought on this realization, I've just been thinking about it recently. Your family, your friends, they're what makes life worth living. I live by a "Me Against the World" motto but knowing that I still have people in my corner, people to support me, that makes me feel loved. The other day I called my brother just to be like "You know what, I love you". I haven't had the urge to do that in awhile. And my friends, what can I say about them? I have the best friends in the world because they're all crazy, funny, supportive, and diverse. True, I do have to stretch my arms out to keep them all close, and sometimes they don't play well together (or with others but that's another story that need not be told) they're all worth it. Even though very few of them read this, it don't matter. Most of them already know this shit, but we're too hard to actually discuss it lol. Long-pointless-journal-entry-short, My family is amazing, my friends are my family and therefore they're amazing too...end story! Current Mood: loved
|Sunday, January 15th, 2006|
|It's About That Time...
I'm movin back to Philly tomorrow. In a way it's a little sad but considerin my break was really good, I don't mind. I got to spend a lot of time with family and I don't mean just my brother and my dad I mean my extended families. Yeah there was a lot of drama with them, well more like surroundin them but it was funny to hear the stories and I'ma miss them when I go back. Then again I'm also gonna be able to wild out back at school so that should be fun(as long as that doesn't cause me to fail any classes). Long story short, Christmas Break = Good times, with good people. Break was good but now it's time to go back to studyin. I hope everybody's ready. Current Mood: nostalgic
|Thursday, January 5th, 2006|
|I'm Infatuated and You're my Baby...
He asked me to braid his hair
and his smile made it hard to say no.
And so now he’s got his head between my thighs,
and I begin to fantasize
about him…between my thighs
and my hands begin shaking
because my composure is fading
but I continue braiding
and try not to concentrate on the feeling of him,
between my thighs
But he’s got his body between my legs,
and I can feel the muscles of his stomach when he laughs,
and my fingers are trying hard to speak on my hearts behalf
trying hard to press into his head my thoughts and emotions
so he can begin to understand my hearts devotion
I love him and he doesn’t even realize.
And my fingers gently twist these ideas into his braids
hoping one day he’ll uncover all the love I gave,
because not only did I give him twelve neat, clean lines of cornrows,
I gave him my heart, and I gave him my soul
And I’d do it all again without thinking twice,
just as long as I could have his head back between my thighs.
*Technically the dude I'm fiending for right now has a fade but I still think this poem applies in some way. Damn and to think I was doin' fine 'til I saw him the other day and now I'm infatuated but hey, I don't mind at all* Current Mood: amused
|Thursday, December 29th, 2005|
|Yes, Yes Ya'll....
I passed all my classes!!!!! Now if that doesn't offer some kinda relief than I don't know what does. So what if I got fired this week, this makes up for it! Current Mood: ecstatic
|Saturday, December 24th, 2005|
|'Twas the Night Before Christmas...
So, it's Christmas Eve, and I'm chillin. I spent the better half of this week with friends and family so that was good. I got to see my nephews and niece and got in touch with some friends I haven't talked to in awhile. Yesterday was a real good day cuz I saw and heard from a lot of my friends.
First me, Selina and Tristan went to the mall so that Selina could freak out about buying presents. Then we came back to my house only for me and Selina to go back to the mall with James which only wasted time but was still fun. Then Selina wrapped her Christmas presents and I re-wrapped then because she sucks at wrapping. Then we went home, I made up with my Daddy, we went and got Candice and then went to Erika's. The night progressed from there. No need for details. It was fun. But, yeah, tomorrow's Christmas and I'm happy because I get to spend time with mi familia and eat lots of food that I don't have to cook and that is always fun. So....Merry CHRISTmas(keep Christ in Christmas, I'm dead serious about that). PEACE!!! Current Mood: relaxed
|Tuesday, December 13th, 2005|
|R.I.P. Stanley "Tookie" Williams
Early this morning the U.S. Government executed Stanley "Tookie" Williams. For those of you who are not familiar with Mr. Williams, he was the co-founder of the notorious Crips gang and was convicted of multiple murders in the early 80's. During his time on death row Mr. Williams took it upon himself to write children's books urging inner-city youths to steer clear of the dangers of gangs. His books became so influential that he was subsequently nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize. And then the Government saw fit to kill him.
It's understandable that the man should have been in prison. He always claimed his innocence in the murders and I'm not writing to dispute his innocence. I have no idea whether he committed these crimes or not. The thing that needs to be said is that Mr. Williams was on the road to redemption. He was one of the few people who was actually reaching these children before it was too late. The Government doesn't do shit to help these kids, who because of circumstances, fall under the influence of gangs. Instead, they wait until it is too late and then seek to condemn them. And where's the justice in that? Where's the rehabilitation? Mr. Williams rehabilited himself and then turned his attention to the streets in an attempt to rehabilitate those people who the U.S. Government turned their backs on.
The Governor of California, Mr. Arnold Schwarzenegger aka "The Terminator" (ironic, I know), refused to even meet with Mr. Williams and then released a statement claiming that because Mr. Williams did not show remorse for the murders he was convicted of he was not rehabilited. Excuse me, Mr. Terminator but who would you know? You never even spoke one word to the man. All you did was listen to what others said and then in an attempt to not "rock the boat" you denied him clemency. I hope your political career was worth his life.
In conclusion, was he guilty? Who knows. Was he a man willing to give his last breathe to save one child from the path he had taken? Yes. He was a man whose legacy will forever be empowering to me as well as numerous others. Rest in peace...
"There ain't no justice there's just us, what happened to the meaning of in God we trust, so as we get older and our children grow up, we're gonna teach them what *he* showed us" Current Mood: angry
|Sunday, December 11th, 2005|
|Must Be Nice....
Oh, it was, best believe. That concert was incredible. I was huggin the stage, that's how close we were. Granted we had to stand in the cold for two hours to get that close and I'm still just now gettin feelin back in my toes, but damn was it worth it. Lyfe is undeniably one of the best R&B/Hip Hop artists out right now. I got to have eye contact while he was singin my anthem, I got an autograph and a picture with the man!! What?! One of the best nights of my life, or lyfe, lol. Next time he's in town, I will be goin again...I'm so hyped right now.... Current Mood: ecstatic
|Tuesday, November 29th, 2005|
|I'm easily distracted....
I've been workin on my english paper for the last 2 hours. You wanna know what I have so far?
Seven pages my ass...wish me luck. Current Mood: restless
|Sunday, November 27th, 2005|
|The Greatest Song Ever...
"Hola" I said
"Hello" She answered
"Learn to speak English." She said
So0o0o, I pantsed her
Surely one of Selina's greatest hits.... Current Mood: content